.010 [Video--totally public, as usual]

[what_ho_jeeves]

What ho, Professor Fate! We never did finish that questionnaire, you know. Somehow we got on the topic of eggs instead and never quite came back around to the main point. In fact, not only did we not finish, we didn't really get much of a start, either. So I'm just going to assume that you answered "yes" to question number one, "Are you evil?" if it's not too much trouble. You see, all the other questions rather require that the answer to the first question be "yes."

So, on to the second question.

[Clears throat.]

Why are you evil?

...

[Waits. Looks at his pocketwatch.]

...

Professor Fate? I say, Professor? Are you there? [Usually Fate would be shouting into the communicator by now. Bertie frowns.]

...

Professor, if you can't hear me, say something. ...No, wait, that doesn't work at all, does it. If you can hear me, say something.

...

Professor?

...

[Professor Fate is gone, but it hasn't yet occurred to Bertie to check his warden item. So the Barge gets Bertie's (increasingly bored and restless) waiting face for a long time.]

Comments

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Is it like him not to respond? It may be a coma.

[what_ho_jeeves]

It's not like him at all. He usually responds fairly promptly, and at high volume.

I didn't think that it might be a coma. I'd best check on him. These coma whatsits sound like very serious business.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

They're quite disturbing to see in person. Shaking doesn't help a bit.

[what_ho_jeeves]

How awful! But they get better, yes?

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Yes, eventually. At least, I don't think anyone hasn't.

private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

Oh no.

Bertie, are you in your room?

Private

[what_ho_jeeves]

I am at the moment. I was just getting my hat on to pop down and see if the Professor is in a coma. [Because clearly one cannot leave one's cabin without a hat.]

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

[Eddie understands that one.]

Do you want me to come with you? If he is in a coma, you might need some help.

Private

[what_ho_jeeves]

That'd be awfully white of you. I don't think I could carry him all by myself.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

...He might be best left where he is anyway.

Anyway, I'll just get my shoes and jacket. See you in a minute.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I just went through this, too.

So, okay, you're dead, I guess, and this is like... Purgatory. Okay? And your friends can't hear you. So... sorry about that. Sucks.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Dead? [Alarmed face.]

No, that can't be right. I'm fit as a fiddle.

I did die, once, and it was dashed unpleasant, but I'm sure I'd have remembered if I died again.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Nah, see, this is this place called, like... the Barge, okay, and if you need to be redeemed and shit you come here when you die, and these Warden douchebags sit on you until you turn into a better person, I guess, or something.

I don't know, I don't really know how we're supposed to be "redeemed" or whatever, but that's the idea.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[That *language.* Aunt Agatha would chew up his bones, spit them out, and stomp them into dust under her heel if she ever heard him say the word "shit." (The word "douchebag" is completely unfamiliar to him, but from the way the chap says it, Bertie suspects it's bad.) But it wouldn't be polite to comment on it, so other than his shocked face, he pretends not to notice.]

Oh, I know all about the Barge and the Admiral. It's a pretty poor cruise, if you ask me. He wouldn't even let me bring my valet, Jeeves.

I think the redemption bit is a corking idea, though. Tricky business, and not for the soft of mind, but well worth the effort.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

[Jesse doesn't seem to notice the shocked look. Or maybe it's just that he's used to rich, stuffy-looking dudes like this one giving him exactly that face.]

Oh. Okay, then, I guess, never mind and all.

I just figured, with your friend disappearing, maybe you didn't know, 'cause that... something like that happened with me, too.

audio

[damesuccubus.livejournal.com]

Does that work, just asking an inmate why they're evil?

audio

[what_ho_jeeves]

I don't know. I haven't had a chance to try it before today.

audio

[damesuccubus.livejournal.com]

Sadly for you, I think you would have found your method to be a failure.

audio

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh. [Sadface.] Are you quite sure? I was considering the psychology of the individual. I thought to myself, "Wooster," I said to myself, "What makes this gentleman tick. You need to know. Get right on it." And so I did. Asking politely seemed the best approach.

Are you sure it wouldn't have worked?

audio

[damesuccubus.livejournal.com]

[...sigh.] I think you would have needed to be less upfront. Perhaps...eased into the topic. Instead of asking why he is evil, you might ask why he does evil things.

[sharpememory.livejournal.com]

Man, how much have you had to drink?

[what_ho_jeeves]

Two whiskey and s.'s. Why?

[sharpememory.livejournal.com]

That explains a lot. You need to drink some coffee or something.

[what_ho_jeeves]

But...I usually have a whiskey or two this time of day.

[sharpememory.livejournal.com]

And you end up doing posts like this? Man, you might need to considering cutting back.