.010 [Video--totally public, as usual]

[what_ho_jeeves]

What ho, Professor Fate! We never did finish that questionnaire, you know. Somehow we got on the topic of eggs instead and never quite came back around to the main point. In fact, not only did we not finish, we didn't really get much of a start, either. So I'm just going to assume that you answered "yes" to question number one, "Are you evil?" if it's not too much trouble. You see, all the other questions rather require that the answer to the first question be "yes."

So, on to the second question.

[Clears throat.]

Why are you evil?

...

[Waits. Looks at his pocketwatch.]

...

Professor Fate? I say, Professor? Are you there? [Usually Fate would be shouting into the communicator by now. Bertie frowns.]

...

Professor, if you can't hear me, say something. ...No, wait, that doesn't work at all, does it. If you can hear me, say something.

...

Professor?

...

[Professor Fate is gone, but it hasn't yet occurred to Bertie to check his warden item. So the Barge gets Bertie's (increasingly bored and restless) waiting face for a long time.]

Comments

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Nah, see, this is this place called, like... the Barge, okay, and if you need to be redeemed and shit you come here when you die, and these Warden douchebags sit on you until you turn into a better person, I guess, or something.

I don't know, I don't really know how we're supposed to be "redeemed" or whatever, but that's the idea.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[That *language.* Aunt Agatha would chew up his bones, spit them out, and stomp them into dust under her heel if she ever heard him say the word "shit." (The word "douchebag" is completely unfamiliar to him, but from the way the chap says it, Bertie suspects it's bad.) But it wouldn't be polite to comment on it, so other than his shocked face, he pretends not to notice.]

Oh, I know all about the Barge and the Admiral. It's a pretty poor cruise, if you ask me. He wouldn't even let me bring my valet, Jeeves.

I think the redemption bit is a corking idea, though. Tricky business, and not for the soft of mind, but well worth the effort.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

[Jesse doesn't seem to notice the shocked look. Or maybe it's just that he's used to rich, stuffy-looking dudes like this one giving him exactly that face.]

Oh. Okay, then, I guess, never mind and all.

I just figured, with your friend disappearing, maybe you didn't know, 'cause that... something like that happened with me, too.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh, so sorry about you losing your friend.

Mine's not lost, he's just in a coma, you see. [Somehow in Bertie's brain reality has gone from "might be in a coma" to "clearly is in a coma"...without having received any evidence of such.]

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Um... oh. [Jesse sort of gives the communicator a blank look, not really knowing what to say about that.] Sorry about that.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh, no no no. It's all right. It happens all the time, here. He'll pop back up good as new in a few days, a week at most.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

People go into comas here? What the fuck?

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

No need to fret or bother. People pop into comas and then they pop right back out again, with not even a morning headache to plague them.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

...So how's that different from sleeping?