what_ho_jeeves: (whelp...)
What ho, Professor Fate! We never did finish that questionnaire, you know. Somehow we got on the topic of eggs instead and never quite came back around to the main point. In fact, not only did we not finish, we didn't really get much of a start, either. So I'm just going to assume that you answered "yes" to question number one, "Are you evil?" if it's not too much trouble. You see, all the other questions rather require that the answer to the first question be "yes."

So, on to the second question.

[Clears throat.]

Why are you evil?


[Waits. Looks at his pocketwatch.]


Professor Fate? I say, Professor? Are you there? [Usually Fate would be shouting into the communicator by now. Bertie frowns.]


Professor, if you can't hear me, say something. ...No, wait, that doesn't work at all, does it. If you can hear me, say something.




[Professor Fate is gone, but it hasn't yet occurred to Bertie to check his warden item. So the Barge gets Bertie's (increasingly bored and restless) waiting face for a long time.]
what_ho_jeeves: (GQMF)
Miss Lua? Is there a Miss Lua here?

My item [holds up a pulp mystery novel] is telling me that I'm supposed to look out for you now as well as the Professor. I didn't realize this wardening business would be such hard work.

Perhaps we should meet up, get to know each other, what? I have a small questionnaire we could do together.
what_ho_jeeves: (OTeaP)
[FAIL!private to the Admiral. ie--not private at all]

Excuse me, Admiral fellow, if you could do a chap a favour, I'd like to trade in my current Warden Item for a new one. I'd like my new Warden Item to be a valet, tall, dark-haired, goes by the name of "Reginald Jeeves." I'm sure he'd do a corking job keeping me informed of my inmate-to-be's activities, as he's always kept me informed of dashed near everything that one could possibly need to be informed about. In fact, he's the most informed bird I know. "Informed" is just the word to describe him.

And I'd be bally grateful if you could make the replacement quickly. I've a yearning for a spot of tea, you see, and the kettle's a bit tricky.

[OOC: Brax put the idea in his head.]
what_ho_jeeves: (WTF Tea?)

--at ho? [sound of communicator falling down and shutting off.]


e9oas0-50igf4eaw3l;k82=erwl;dkl;3r0;kxkop8954 0kdska0230-


...blasted thing come with instructions.

[Lo! The whatsitsthingy is blinking! This might be a good sign. Or this might be like the half-dozen other times that he thought it was working when it actually wasn't. ...No...it really is working this time. In the background is a posh flat designed with hints of Art Deco in the architectural details.]

What ho, what ho!

I say, this is a dashed peculiar sort of ship, isn’t it? I mean, when I was approached by this Admiral chap I knew I’d be on some boat or another, but I rather expected it to be more of a sea-going affair, as is, I think, a natural conclusion to come to when the word “ship” is uttered. Instead, inside, I find a replica of my Berkeley Mansions flat, so perfectly perfect I half expect Jeeves to come biffing in through the kitchen door at any moment, and outside, I find all the starry universe.

Well, this is a rummy whatsits, it is. All the same, this Wooster shall not yield to brooding or despair. Oh no. Did the Wooster who fought at Agincourt look around that stormy and troubled hill and say, “Dash it all, this wasn’t on the cards,” and go home? Oh no. A Wooster always keeps his word, you know.

[He emphatically gestures with the hand that's holding the communicator at the end of his little speech, causing the picture to veer wildly around and ultimately drops it again. Barge-folk, enjoy a view of his ceiling.]

Dash it all, why can't the Admiral use sensible things that start with "tele," like telegrams and telephones to--

[And in picking it up he's accidentally turned it off again. It may be hours before he figures out how to turn it back on.]
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