.010 [Video--totally public, as usual]

[what_ho_jeeves]

What ho, Professor Fate! We never did finish that questionnaire, you know. Somehow we got on the topic of eggs instead and never quite came back around to the main point. In fact, not only did we not finish, we didn't really get much of a start, either. So I'm just going to assume that you answered "yes" to question number one, "Are you evil?" if it's not too much trouble. You see, all the other questions rather require that the answer to the first question be "yes."

So, on to the second question.

[Clears throat.]

Why are you evil?

...

[Waits. Looks at his pocketwatch.]

...

Professor Fate? I say, Professor? Are you there? [Usually Fate would be shouting into the communicator by now. Bertie frowns.]

...

Professor, if you can't hear me, say something. ...No, wait, that doesn't work at all, does it. If you can hear me, say something.

...

Professor?

...

[Professor Fate is gone, but it hasn't yet occurred to Bertie to check his warden item. So the Barge gets Bertie's (increasingly bored and restless) waiting face for a long time.]

Comments

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Is it like him not to respond? It may be a coma.

[what_ho_jeeves]

It's not like him at all. He usually responds fairly promptly, and at high volume.

I didn't think that it might be a coma. I'd best check on him. These coma whatsits sound like very serious business.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

They're quite disturbing to see in person. Shaking doesn't help a bit.

private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

Oh no.

Bertie, are you in your room?

[what_ho_jeeves]

How awful! But they get better, yes?

Private

[what_ho_jeeves]

I am at the moment. I was just getting my hat on to pop down and see if the Professor is in a coma. [Because clearly one cannot leave one's cabin without a hat.]

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

[Eddie understands that one.]

Do you want me to come with you? If he is in a coma, you might need some help.

Private

[what_ho_jeeves]

That'd be awfully white of you. I don't think I could carry him all by myself.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I just went through this, too.

So, okay, you're dead, I guess, and this is like... Purgatory. Okay? And your friends can't hear you. So... sorry about that. Sucks.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Yes, eventually. At least, I don't think anyone hasn't.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

...He might be best left where he is anyway.

Anyway, I'll just get my shoes and jacket. See you in a minute.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Well that's a relief. Maybe a bit of snooze will improve his temper somewhat.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Dead? [Alarmed face.]

No, that can't be right. I'm fit as a fiddle.

I did die, once, and it was dashed unpleasant, but I'm sure I'd have remembered if I died again.

Private

[what_ho_jeeves]

Right-o. I'll see you soon.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

Nah, see, this is this place called, like... the Barge, okay, and if you need to be redeemed and shit you come here when you die, and these Warden douchebags sit on you until you turn into a better person, I guess, or something.

I don't know, I don't really know how we're supposed to be "redeemed" or whatever, but that's the idea.

Re: Private

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

[Eddie knocks on Bertie's door a minute or so later.]

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Has he been touchy? Perhaps he's just in a mood.

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[That *language.* Aunt Agatha would chew up his bones, spit them out, and stomp them into dust under her heel if she ever heard him say the word "shit." (The word "douchebag" is completely unfamiliar to him, but from the way the chap says it, Bertie suspects it's bad.) But it wouldn't be polite to comment on it, so other than his shocked face, he pretends not to notice.]

Oh, I know all about the Barge and the Admiral. It's a pretty poor cruise, if you ask me. He wouldn't even let me bring my valet, Jeeves.

I think the redemption bit is a corking idea, though. Tricky business, and not for the soft of mind, but well worth the effort.

Spam

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Bertie opens his door, jacket and hat on and walking stick at the ready.]

What ho, Eddie! Is there anything I ought to bring for the Professor if he is in a coma?

[what_ho_jeeves]

I got the impression that he was always in a mood. A very loud sort of mood.

[Video]

[yeahscience.livejournal.com]

[Jesse doesn't seem to notice the shocked look. Or maybe it's just that he's used to rich, stuffy-looking dudes like this one giving him exactly that face.]

Oh. Okay, then, I guess, never mind and all.

I just figured, with your friend disappearing, maybe you didn't know, 'cause that... something like that happened with me, too.

Re: Spam

[needshumility.livejournal.com]

[Eddie's in one of his smarter suits, complete with a red tie and handkerchief, but has no hat. He smiles, and replies,] What ho! [He loves picking up these phrases.]

I don't think so. We might have to break in the room if it's locked, but I'm not sure much would help us with that.

[19centconstable.livejournal.com]

Our Inspector back home is the same.

Spam

[what_ho_jeeves]

No, no I don't have anything that would help with that. We'll just have to use the old sinew and muscle. [Bertie is probably vastly overestimating their strength. Even with the two of them working together.]

[Video]

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh, so sorry about you losing your friend.

Mine's not lost, he's just in a coma, you see. [Somehow in Bertie's brain reality has gone from "might be in a coma" to "clearly is in a coma"...without having received any evidence of such.]