.001 [Accidental Video...eventually]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Voice]

--at ho? [sound of communicator falling down and shutting off.]



[Text]

e9oas0-50igf4eaw3l;k82=erwl;dkl;3r0;kxkop8954 0kdska0230-



[Video]


...blasted thing come with instructions.

[Lo! The whatsitsthingy is blinking! This might be a good sign. Or this might be like the half-dozen other times that he thought it was working when it actually wasn't. ...No...it really is working this time. In the background is a posh flat designed with hints of Art Deco in the architectural details.]

What ho, what ho!

I say, this is a dashed peculiar sort of ship, isn’t it? I mean, when I was approached by this Admiral chap I knew I’d be on some boat or another, but I rather expected it to be more of a sea-going affair, as is, I think, a natural conclusion to come to when the word “ship” is uttered. Instead, inside, I find a replica of my Berkeley Mansions flat, so perfectly perfect I half expect Jeeves to come biffing in through the kitchen door at any moment, and outside, I find all the starry universe.

Well, this is a rummy whatsits, it is. All the same, this Wooster shall not yield to brooding or despair. Oh no. Did the Wooster who fought at Agincourt look around that stormy and troubled hill and say, “Dash it all, this wasn’t on the cards,” and go home? Oh no. A Wooster always keeps his word, you know.

[He emphatically gestures with the hand that's holding the communicator at the end of his little speech, causing the picture to veer wildly around and ultimately drops it again. Barge-folk, enjoy a view of his ceiling.]

Dash it all, why can't the Admiral use sensible things that start with "tele," like telegrams and telephones to--

[And in picking it up he's accidentally turned it off again. It may be hours before he figures out how to turn it back on.]

Comments

[collector]

[...Oh Heavens below. What is this person.]

Did you take something of a wrong turn on your way to Magdalen College?

Video

[una_persson]

[Yes, Una knows her Wodehouse. MM is a big fan, after all. Oh god, is this who she thinks this is? What was the Admiral thinking? He's going to be eaten alive!]

Er. Good afternoon, Mr Wooster.

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Text]

890dajk3290890&*(#@LJkdkasjkk sj eiu3578352fehdskl=-148

[If he pushes enough buttons, eventually he'll get to...]

[VIDEO!]

I was on my way to the Drone's Club, actually, in the metrop. Have you been? Good eggs there, all of them. It's a funny thing, because I've walked there hundreds upon hundreds of times, and only just today the road wasn't as it was supposed to be. I say the road wasn't as it was supposed to be because that surely makes more sense than me making a wrong turn on a path I've walked hundreds upon hundreds of times.

Then I met a strange fellow...or maybe it was just a voice...asking if I wanted to do some people a spot of help, and I said, "No thanks, I've got to meet Bingo for lunch," and he said, "Well, that's not very preux is it?" or words to that effect, and I said, "You're right, dash it all," and he said, "And you get to ask for a wish to be granted," and I said, "What, like a genie?" and he said, "Right-o! But two less," and I said--

[This will keep going unless you interrupt him.]

Video

[what_ho_jeeves]

[You know him! He has forgotten that he said his last name.]

Good afternoon, Miss...

Er...excuse me, Miss, my onion's not on straight. You know how it is, the excitement of travel and whatnot. Have we [been engaged] met before?

Re: Video

[una_persson]

[He has to get engaged to SOMEONE while he's here! It must happen!]

I beg your pardon—I'm Una Persson. I'm a warden here. And no, we've not met.

[rass-bestie.livejournal.com]

[Oh, my goodness it's you. This is clearly some joke being played on him. He knows how conceited thinking that might be, but honestly, the rate he's going, this is clearly all about him and no mistake.] Hi.

[collector]

[Braxiatel clears his throat to cut through.]

Very good, Mr. Wooster. But I wouldn't dream of intruding on whatever exchanges you may have made with a less generous version of the Westernised djinn. Perhaps it would be wise to spend a moment or two carefully studying your communicator? [He does not have high hopes about where this will go, but.]

Video

[what_ho_jeeves]

[It's listed under his Special Powers. "Ability to accidentally get engaged to women."]

Good afternoon, Miss Perrson. I didn't think I'd forget a topping profile like yours, but when one is on a celestial cruise one can't take anything for granted any more.

[what_ho_jeeves]

[That voice is quite distinctive. Bertie yelps. First you talk out of his book, and now you talk out of his communicator! And he hasn't even had a whisky and s!

Except...lots of people are talking out of his communicator, and only one person has ever talked out of his book. Maybe this Means Something.]

What ho?

[what_ho_jeeves]

Oh. Right. Yes.

[And Brax gets video of Bertie staring with furrowed brow at the communicator for many long seconds before he finally utters,]

Am I looking for anything in particular?

[empirical_data]

[And Data jumps to absolutely the wrong conclusion.] House? [Or... House's father? What?]

[collector]

I highly doubt it.

[Brax remembers his original intention was to be helpful. Actually, no, there was no original intention. He was just slightly stunned. But now he feels obligated to try to be of some use.] To prevent those, ah, little mash-ups of letters , I thought it might be of aid to you if you were sure you knew which buttons did what. So you don't accidentally make a post [that gets you married] when you would much rather not.

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Bertie jumps to an also-wrong conclusion. He looks behind him briefly as if to verify where he is.]

It's a flat, actually.

[what_ho_jeeves]

[Enough time and enough keyboard mashing and eventually he would spell out "I luv u, will u marry me." Or the Complete Works of Shakespeare.]

That's awfully white of you, Mr...

I don't believe I caught your name.

[shortsghtedlove.livejournal.com]

[Rassilon looks thoroughly unimpressed over here. Whatever the Admiral is taking, he hopes the damn fool runs out of it soon.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

[You mean this *doesn't* give you greater confidence in the Admiral's decision making skills?]

[shortsghtedlove.livejournal.com]

[It only fuels his suspicion that the Admiral isn't simply incapable of steering his ship properly, but is under the influence of certain substances. As is probably this new Warden. That, or he was dropped a few times to many as an infant.]

[empirical_data]

[No, no this man is too derpy to be related to House.] My apologies. You share a resemblance with an individual named House that I was acquainted with. I thought there might be the remote chance you were related.

[At least this fellow probably won't be asking to see Data's penis in public threads when he got drunk.]

[what_ho_jeeves]

No, no Houses in this family tree. By marriage there are Travers and Gregsons, but not a House in sight, unless you count the ancestral manse of Lord Yaxley. [Oh, Bertie, trying to make puns.]

I assume that this House fellow was a handsome chap with iron will?

[collector]

[Brax might marry somebody who proposed to him using Shakespeare, so it's best we stop him from keyboard smashing.]

Braxiatel. I'm happy to be of assistance.

[feverprophecy.livejournal.com]

Agincourt.

Really.

[boughtitall.livejournal.com]

This isn't quite your normal ship, Mr. Wooster, as you have gathered.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Mr. Braxiatel. Good of you to pull me out of the soup viz. this whatsit. Usually my man Jeeves deals with these little problems, but as I am left to fend for myself here I would be in a rum stitch if I didn't have a bit of guidance from someone "in the know" as it were.

[what_ho_jeeves]

It's a well known family fact, passed down through the generations of Aunts, that there was a member of the Wooster tree fighting for king and country at Agincourt.

[what_ho_jeeves]

Yes, I've come to that melancholy conclusion. Why, I haven't even found a shuffle-board court anywhere!