Oh, yes, this ship is perfectly safe. [Bertie remains forever oblivious to all the mass mayhem, torture, and death.] In fact, it's all a bit dull. Did you know there's not even a shuffleboard on deck?

So, how are my old chums? Tuppy, Biffy, Stinker and the rest of them? How have they fared without me around to advise them on their troubles?