what_ho_jeeves | [12] Audio | Private to Ana (Bertie has figured this out because it's like making a phone call)

Entry tags:

baroness,
omg women

[12] Audio | Private to Ana (Bertie has figured this out because it's like making a phone call)

How do you do, Lady DeCobray. [A little more formal than usual to start out with, because Ana is a member of the peerage and a stranger.]

Since the Professor biffed off to parts unknown, it seems that the Admiral decided that it simply wouldn't do to have me at loose ends for too long. He's assigned me to be your warden. Would you mind terribly if I popped by and asked you a few questions, my lady?

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I prefer not to be called that, actually, darling. Ana or the Baroness. I don't like to use my husband's name.

Come over whenever you like.

Oh, so sorry, Ana. I wondered whether I should take the formal approach or not and thought "better safe than sorry" because I know some beazels that get quite pipped if not addressed by their proper title.

I'm Bertie Wooster, but you can call me Bertie. I'll be right down. [clicks off. after about ten seconds clicks on again]

I say, what cabin are you staying in?

Bertie Wooster, my goodness, I am fortunate.

You can find me on level one, room eleven.

You've heard of me, then! [His voice is bright and excited. It doesn't occur to him that Ana's words might not, in fact, be a compliment on his wardening abilities.]

I'll pop right up.

I have, Bertie. Loads about you. [And she thinks it's cute the Admiral assigned him to her.

You should stop by and grab a bottle of wine, Bertie. I think it'd be a good idea. Something to get us off on the proper foot.

It's not just a good idea, it's a jolly good idea. I'll do that forthwith. Cheery-o, and I'll see you soon.

[Bertie gets his hat and walking stick, makes a detour to the pub to pick up a nice bottle of wine, comes to cabin 1.11 and raps on the door.]

[Ana opens the door with a charming smile, and her eyes widen a bit at the wine.] You picked an excellent vintage, Bertie. Well done.

Come in.

[She took a step back and let him into her room, which was her room from her husband's chateau, rather well furnished with antiques.]

Thank you, Ana. Bertram Wooster is a man who knows a thing or two about drinks.

You've got quite a splendid cabin, here. If you'll fetch a pair of glasses, I'll pour the wine.

I'm afraid I don't have a corkscrew. That whole tricky weapons bit. It makes having a good glass of wine quite problematic, really, darling.

I don't suppose that's something you can fix for me?

Ah-ha, that is indeed something I came equipped to manage. [He takes a corkscrew out of his jacket pocket with a flourish and sets to opening the bottle. He pops the cork easily enough and sets the wine down on the nearest flat surface. Getting the cork off the screw proves to be a bit challenging, though.]

Denying a person the means to enjoy a good glass of wine is more cruel than I'm willing to support. You can take my corkscrew if I ever... [Still wrestling to try to get the cork off. It is a technical feat beyond his capability.]

[Ana watched him as he puled out the corkscrew and then the cork, her face breaking into an amused smile. Quickly she held out her hand for the cork.]

Here, let me try that, darling.

[He hesitantly holds it out to her.]

It's on there tight as a key in a rusted lock.

Well, I'm stronger than I look, darling.

[Ana smiles pleasantly, and then she fake struggles for a moment before she says.]

Wow, it's on there tightly!

[Once it's removed, she hands him the cork.] There, no harm no foul.

Awfully white of you to take care of that, Ana. I see you're the athletic type. [Which makes him a little nervous, but she hasn't slapped him on the back and knocked him over Honoria Glossop-style yet, so that's hopeful.]

Now, I read through the file whatsits, but didn't quite catch the nuances of all of it. Phrases like "particular accelerant" and whatnot threw me off a bit. So, if you don't mind I'd like to ask you to explain, in your own words, why you do bad things. [He learned a little bit from Petronilla before she left. He's no longer phrasing it "why are you evil."]

I suppose I am a bit. But after all, that's just what the modern woman does, Bertie. Goes to the gym, keeps herself looking nice and fit for her boyfriend... [Turns into a ninja assassin! It could happen to anyone!]

Why I do bad things? [Ana's lip wibbled a bit, and she looked down, letting her hair fall over her face. Her voice wavered slightly.] Have I done bad things, Bertie? I mean things that are that bad?

Girls join the fitness obsession too? [The idea of exercising for fitness is only just beginning in Bertie's time.]

Well...helping to destroy the Eiffel Tower wasn't very nice.

Yes indeed. We need to look good after all.

I was only doing what I was told, Bertie.

Oh. I suppose that does lighten the guilt. Some people--such as Aunts--can be quite unreasonable in their demands and will not take no for an answer. Nevertheless, a deed done is done, even if someone else told you to do it.

Have you ever tried just not doing bad things, and tell that Scottish chap to take his demands and push off, if you'll forgive the expression?

Just trying not to do bad things? [Ana stared at him for a moment, and handed him a glass of wine, being amused by all of this. Just not trying to do bad things.]

Is that what I need to do to graduate? [The question was asked earnestly, and with a smile.]

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[12] Audio | Private to Ana (Bertie has figured this out because it's like making a phone call)

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