It's not much of a prison, is it. No black and white striped uniforms, no balls and chains or work crews. And so far every one I've spoken to has been quite splendid, although that young man in dark glasses told me that I was a horrible criminal, which is simply not true, but some people are touchy when it comes to silver cows creamers and the removal thereof.

A spot of help would be quite splendid of you Mr...?